Many people spend their lives tirelessly seeking the illusion of love: the conquest, dinner by candlelight, flowers, music, all the romantic trappings. But in reality, what we are looking for is distraction: excitement and fantasy are just ways to avoid the lack of love we feel for ourselves.

With love-consciousness, this need to distract ourselves disappears, because we have created a relationship with ourselves that is based on true love. That love is not like romantic love. It is absolute and it is complete. Once you have discovered that love, romance can appear in your life as an additional and wonderful bonus, but it will no longer be a requirement for you to feel complete.

In a recent conversation, one of my friends told me that she had not seen a certain man in nine months, and that this person had not once crossed her mind. Then she received a phone call from him, and her intellect immediately hooked her in the feeling of longing, of how much she missed him and how much she needed him. And she began to suffer!   She focused on idealized memories of how wonderful everything was and immediately started to experience need and suffering.

The truth is: romantic love rarely has anything to do with reality. It is a fantasy that we create to feel the adrenaline, the anguish, the euphoria, the attraction and the desire. My friend realized how she had instantly relapsed into a pattern older than the first tango and so rooted in her being that it was her immediate response.

Why do we do this? Why do we choose to fall into discontent so quickly? As we become more aware of ourselves, we realize that it is because we are addicted to suffering. We are comfortable suffering, and being victims, because then we do not have to assume responsibility. It is much easier to blame someone else. Our addiction to suffering reaches such an extreme that even when everything seems to be going perfectly, we find a reason to suffer. “Everything is going so well!  It’s too good to be true.” So, we put it to the test because we are convinced that it cannot be real. “If I do such a thing,” I wonder, “will he still love me? Aha, I knew it! He left me, my suspicions were correct! “

Our discontent comes from the matrix of the intellect: judging, comparing, and analysing everything. We get caught up in the worries of the mind and feel trapped by the situations of our lives. The fears of the mind pull us towards those places of disenchantment. How do we break this addiction to suffering? By embracing the perfection of this moment. The mind is always looking for an excuse to reject the present, it is always looking for what is wrong in our lives. That is suffering: the feeling that there is something wrong, a reason why we cannot experience absolute fulfilment here and now. If you stop running from here to there trying to change everything, and go back to innocence, you will break this addiction. Do it, you deserve it!

Isha Judd is an Australian humanitarian spiritual teacher based in Latin America, author of “Love Has Wings” and “Why Walk When You Can Fly?”. Watch “Why Walk When You Can Fly?” on itunes. Her website is Watch more movies and inspiring videos at

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Original article taken from On Mogul