Why do I demand that I feel fine when I am going through something hard?

Because feeling bad was learned as something to be solved quickly, and not as something you move through. So a task gets added to the pain: to stop feeling it as soon as possible. That is where sentences come from that sound reasonable and are not, like “I should be better by now” or “other people went through worse.” Isha points out that most suffering comes from judgments, and those judgments almost always come in that way. It is worth looking at them, because they are the part that does depend on you. What you are living through can stay exactly the same and the day can still weigh a good deal less once you stop demanding a deadline of yourself.

Is it wrong not to want to tell anyone what is happening to me?

It is not wrong, and you do not have to tell everyone in order to stop keeping up appearances. They are two different things. Holding up the face that everything is fine is daily work that consumes energy you do not have to spare, especially when you also have to measure how much to tell and to whom. A lighter alternative is to choose one trusted person and, with them, simply not say that you are fine. No full account is needed and nothing has to be asked for. What brings relief is not the explanation, it is stopping the work of making sure it does not show. If for now there is no one to do that with, do not let that become another reproach.

Can I start a practice in the middle of a crisis?

Yes, and you do not need to feel better in order to do it. Unification takes a few minutes, it asks for no special posture and no absolute silence, and it can be done crying, exhausted, in bed or in the car before going inside somewhere. There is no correct way and no minimum amount. What usually eases first is not the situation, which is still there, but the underlying fight with what you feel, which weighs as much as what you are living through. When that eases, the day becomes more sustainable. And if today you cannot even do that, it is not a problem either: you can come back tomorrow or the day after, with nothing owed.

When is it a good idea to seek professional help?

When what you are going through prevents you from holding your day together, when it continues without any relief, or when thoughts of harming yourself appear. In any of those cases it is appropriate to consult a mental health professional, and the sooner the better. An inner practice does not replace treatment and does not compete with it: they can coexist, and many people do both at once. If you are unsure whether this is your case, that doubt is reason enough to consult someone. Asking for help does not mean you cannot manage on your own or that the practice does not work. It means you are taking care of something that today needs more than one pair of hands, and that is also taking care of yourself.

On top of what you are living through there is a second weight, and it does not come from outside. That is the one that can ease today, even if the first one cannot yet.

Las Emociones · 6 min read

Why a hard time weighs more than it already weighs

On top of what you are living through there is a second weight, and it does not come from outside. That is the one that can ease today, even if the first one cannot yet.

Isha JuddSeptember 9, 2026

When you are going through something hard, what weighs is not one thing: it is two. There is what happened, which is real and is not fixed by an idea. And there is what the mind builds on top of it, which feels just as heavy and does not come from outside. The second layer can ease today, even if the first one cannot yet.

Nobody chooses to go through this and there is no need to find a reason for it right now. The first thing is not to understand it. The first thing is to be able to hold the day.

Another weight rests on the pain, and that one does depend on the mind

Isha locates the origin of that second layer without hedging: “Most suffering comes from victimhood or from judgments.” She does not say it as a reproach. She says it to separate two things that are lived as one: the fact, which is there, and the story built around it, which gets added. One of that story's favorite materials is the future. “We always have these worst case scenarios that are not even realities,” she points out. The mind rehearses the worst version and the body lives it as if it were happening.

The other material is the judgment aimed at you. “No one is more violent with you than you are with yourself,” Isha says. It shows up in sentences that sound reasonable: “I should be able to handle this,” “other people went through worse,” “I have been like this for too long.” None of them changes what happened and all of them charge you something. She proposes something different, and it is an image that is hard to argue with: “If you imagine when you're teaching a child to walk and it falls down, you don't scream at the child.”

Keeping up appearances is as tiring as what you are living through

There is extra work almost no one counts and that gets done every day: holding up the face that everything is fine. Answering that you are well, changing the subject, measuring how much to tell and to whom. Isha describes the reflex underneath: “Whenever we felt uncomfortable, or unloved, or we were moving stress, our automatic response is to run.” Running is also running from what you feel, and that consumes energy you do not have to spare.

The way she proposes goes in exactly the other direction, and it is gentler than it sounds: “It is only about being present, being more loving with yourself and not being violent with yourself.” And about what surfaces when you stop covering things up, she is reassuring: “When fear appears, just go and express it, but nothing, nothing is going to be too much, nothing is going to overwhelm you.” Stopping the fight with what you feel does not resolve the situation. It makes the day sustainable again, which is not the same as resolved.

Signs that you are carrying the second layer too

Explaining how you are exhausts you more than being that way.
You catch yourself building the worst possible scenario over and over.
You get angry at yourself for not managing something that used to be easy.
You compare your situation with other people's to decide whether you have the right to feel bad.
You sleep badly or sleep too much, and neither of the two is rest.

A scene you may recognize

You finish the day exhausted and you cannot say what you did. You worked, you answered, you solved things, you held someone else up. At some point someone asked how you were and you said fine, and you carried on. None of that counts as effort anywhere.

The tiredness does not come only from what you are going through. It comes also from the ten times today you corrected yourself for feeling it, and from the energy spent on making sure it did not show. That part was not put there by the situation. You put it there, without meaning to, and it is precisely the part that can begin to ease.

The practice: holding the day exactly as it is

1
You stop for a moment, exactly as you are. Unification does not ask you to feel better in order to start, nor for a special posture, nor for absolute silence.
2
You bring your attention from the mind down to the heart. There is nothing to resolve there and nothing to explain.
3
When judgment shows up, perhaps you can notice it for what it is: an added weight, not a fact about you.
4
If the day only allows for a little, let it be a little. A day without strength also works as a place to start.
5
You can stop keeping up appearances with one trusted person. You do not have to tell everything: it is enough not to say that you are fine.

Sometimes we cry. But these things don't matter. It's part of being a human.
Isha Judd

FAQ

Frequently asked questions

Because feeling bad was learned as something to be solved quickly, and not as something you move through. So a task gets added to the pain: to stop feeling it as soon as possible. That is where sentences come from that sound reasonable and are not, like “I should be better by now” or “other people went through worse.” Isha points out that most suffering comes from judgments, and those judgments almost always come in that way. It is worth looking at them, because they are the part that does depend on you. What you are living through can stay exactly the same and the day can still weigh a good deal less once you stop demanding a deadline of yourself.

#hard times#suffering#emotions#presence#self-love

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