There is a big difference in relationships when we choose to love and commit ourselves without fear. If we love and appreciate ourselves, we can love others unconditionally. If we feel less than or insecure, we will try to keep the other small, so we feel safe and in control. This behavior comes from fear, because “I do not think I deserve”. It’s a game we all play for a while, until we realize what we are doing and change it: then we begin to love ourselves.

The following mirror happens in relationships: there is one who wants commitment and one who does not want it. In reality it reflects the same fear, and the moment one changes the other changes also – the one who did not want to commit suddenly wants to and the one who did want to now runs away. All of us at some point have played this game. And really it is an escape, because deep down we do not trust in love, we believe that we do not deserve love. That is why we have so many masks, they are a projection of our fear. We need to find a greater depth of relationship with ourselves, a greater commitment, and then this will become natural in our relationships.

Of course, I may tell you that you can love without attachment, without fear, without control and it may sound impossible. But never interpret detachment as abandonment. On the contrary, in a relationship without fear, neither one abandons himself or the other. There is no need to lie or wear masks. Each one is whole, natural, spontaneous, and free to be themselves. To give from the heart unconditionally because you want the best for the other, that is love. But if you compromise with yourself, if you abandon yourself so the other will love you, what will you create? Situations that reflect those fears. Each human being has to take on the responsibility of loving themselves, of knowing themselves, of finding happiness, abundance, inner peace, and living without fear.

From our example we teach our children. If you abandon yourself what are you going to teach them? That love is an obligation, a sacrifice? Or do you want to teach them greatness: that they must love and trust in themselves and realize that they are unlimited? With full appreciation of themselves, they will never self-destruct with poor choices, like drugs, alcohol, self abandonment or corruption. They, above all else, will love and know that they deserve love. The foundations of their inner house will be so strong that they will be able to create the best for themselves in the world.

Everything external is a mirror of our inner projection. What am I planning? Am I being vulnerable? Am I being love? Am I taking responsibility? Am I consistent? Am I honest? Am I true? Am I all those things that I want you to be when you grow up? So now, one chooses to evolve. And in that evolution we are affecting everything, because we are everything. Let’s transform that internal violence that says, “I’m not good enough” … that’s the ego speaking. Let’s end that internal torture, that criticism and judgment. Let’s stop falling down hooked by our addiction to suffering. Let’s end the way we define ourselves: “I am like this, so …” No! It’s an idea. When you hear that voice that defines you by your limitations, fears, attachments and judgments, stop and ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?” “How do I want to define myself?” The moment one is conscious, one has the power to change. And how do I change? By choosing love over fear. From now on, decide to give yourself this inner choice full of love.

Isha Judd is an Australian humanitarian spiritual teacher based in Latin America, author of “Love Has Wings” and “Why Walk When You Can Fly?”. Watch “Why Walk When You Can Fly?” on itunes. Her website is www.ishajudd.com. Watch more movies and inspiring videos at isha.tv

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Article taken from: huffingtonpost.com